I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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