Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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