wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
