You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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