Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
