Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
