i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
