my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
birth control should be required to get into college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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