meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
