Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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