I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
