I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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