I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
