Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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