I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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