Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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