if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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