The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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