Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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