wat bout pragnant strippers??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
