I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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