so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
where are you?
Hypothermia
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
