I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
