Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
