All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
