apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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