Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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