I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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