Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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