Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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