If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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