Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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