the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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