I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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