Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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