Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
