i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
