Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
