Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize