wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
