remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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