i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
