The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
