Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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