Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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