So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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