break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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