when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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