I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
