is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
