Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
