you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
