if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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