70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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