Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize