i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
