Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
