Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
