The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
not ubering you a puppy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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