do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
